Day 2

It's a gorgeous Saturday morning and things are super. I'm in the process of moving in with my boyfriend (just starting, actually) so I have plenty of reasons to keep moving - ie: packing/unpacking boxes. This morning I got up, packed a few boxes, and then headed over to Matt's to unpack them. Previously, I would have counted that as my workout... but, I put in 20 minutes on the bike and feel great about it! It's been a while since I've done any dedicated exercise, so the 20 minutes was a stretch... but I'm glad I could do that much. When I started, I thought I was going to die after 3 minutes... but then I set the goal of 100 calories. When I was getting close to that at only 12 minutes, I decided to change my goal to 20 minutes. And it worked! It was much more rewarding than I anticpated.

Last night Matt and I and some friends of ours went to TGIFridays... they've been advertising the smaller portions for less money (score for me!) so I ordered one of those. I was trying to be very conscious of when I was actually full, and surprised myself when I only ate about 2/3 of it. I used to be able to eat all of the full-sized portions. Yeah, something is definitely changing.

Today should be a good day... I have a great, healthy meal planned for dinner that even Matt is excited about (Matt being the pickiest eater on the planet!), and we have lots of shopping/errands to get done today, which means extra exercise!

I've decided not to weigh myself every single day. I did that previously and it only motivates me when the number is smaller, not when it's the same or higher. So, I think I'll just stick to the once-a-week weigh ins at weight watchers and see how that goes.

And a big thanks to those of you leaving me comments and reading my blog! I'm already seeing how much that extra support is helping!

Day 1 - 281.2

So, my first weight-watchers meeting was great, aside from the fact that I weighed in at 281.2 lbs. But, as one of the other members said, that was the last time I'll ever have to see that number, which is a great feeling.

The key thing I took from the meeting was a phrase someone brought up - Progress, not perfection. It sounds so simple, but it was really profound for me. I was always the perfectionist - if I screwed up and ate a cookie, well, my diet was over. It was either perfection or failure, with no middle-ground. And last night I realized how ridiculous that is. No one is perfect, and having that mind-set only sets you up for failure. I feel so much more motivated and empowered with those words in the back of my mind. Yes, I ate a mini-candy today... but that's okay. I accounted for it, I'm still within my points for the day, and it's not the end of the world.

I know it's just the begining, and everyone always has so much motivation and energy at the start of a "diet" or workout plan... but this time just feels different. I have the "I can" attitude as opposed to the "this is so overwhelming and impossible" attitude. I'm actually excited to eat right and exercise this weekend - and that is definitely a first for me!!!

-A funny side note: Last night I wouldn't let my boyfriend Matt see my weight-watchers card with my current weight in it.... yet, I sent him the link to this blog, which clearly displays my weight! Yeah, I was thinking on that one! hahaha

Day 0

So, after almost 6 years of continually gaining weight, I am ready to make a dedicated effort to force that trend in the opposite direction. I'm planning to use this blog to track my progress... In addition, I hope that any readers out there will help keep me accountable and maybe even give me some added support throughout my journey.

Let's start with a little background... Since about the age of 9, I've been overweight. My senior year of high school, I weighed 220 lbs. In January of 2001, my dental hygenist talked me into attending a group meeting, compulsive-eaters anonymous (CEA-HOW). It was just like AA, we even read from the AA book... we had a sponsor, and called them everyday. Meals were planned ahead of time, all food was weighed and measured, and no snacks between meals were allowed - ever. As far as weight loss, it worked - I lost 25lbs in two months. As far as a rest-of-my-life program, it failed miserably. By Christmas of '01, I'd gained it all back... and kept gaining. At this point, I'm at nearly 280 (I'll have an exact number tomorrow).

Five years of college and being 1,000 miles from home helped me gain about 80 lbs. I feel the physical urge to puke every time I look in the mirror naked, or even half-naked at this point. It's come to the point where I simply cannot continue living this way.

My weight is the only negative thing in my life. I'm proud of myself in every other aspect... Tell me I'm stupid, and I'll laugh at you because I KNOW I'm intelligent... Tell me I'm mean, and I'll disregard you because I KNOW I'm a good person who cares deeply about others... Tell me I'm not hardworking and I'll recap my life accomplishments for you because I KNOW that I've worked harder than anyone I know to get where I am... But, tell me I'm fat, tell me I'm unattractive, and I'll cry... because I know you'd be telling the truth.

About 9 months ago, I met Matt, the man of my dreams... He not only changed my outlook on men, but my outlook on life and what I want my future to be. He loves me and supports me in everything I do. And it breaks my heart that he has to introduce me, the blob, to his friends and family as his girlfriend. I know he loves me regardless, but he deserves better... he deserves to be able to walk into a room and be proud that I'm standing next to him, just like I am of him. And I am determined to give him that.

For me, for Matt, for our future, for my family... I need to change. And I will change. Starting Now.

Tonight I'm going to my first weight-watchers meeting. Tomorrow will be a brand new day, full of hope and goals and plans. I know the journey will be a rough one, but I am confident that I'll have the strength and determination to reach my goals and finally be jiggle-free!!!