Day 0

So, after almost 6 years of continually gaining weight, I am ready to make a dedicated effort to force that trend in the opposite direction. I'm planning to use this blog to track my progress... In addition, I hope that any readers out there will help keep me accountable and maybe even give me some added support throughout my journey.

Let's start with a little background... Since about the age of 9, I've been overweight. My senior year of high school, I weighed 220 lbs. In January of 2001, my dental hygenist talked me into attending a group meeting, compulsive-eaters anonymous (CEA-HOW). It was just like AA, we even read from the AA book... we had a sponsor, and called them everyday. Meals were planned ahead of time, all food was weighed and measured, and no snacks between meals were allowed - ever. As far as weight loss, it worked - I lost 25lbs in two months. As far as a rest-of-my-life program, it failed miserably. By Christmas of '01, I'd gained it all back... and kept gaining. At this point, I'm at nearly 280 (I'll have an exact number tomorrow).

Five years of college and being 1,000 miles from home helped me gain about 80 lbs. I feel the physical urge to puke every time I look in the mirror naked, or even half-naked at this point. It's come to the point where I simply cannot continue living this way.

My weight is the only negative thing in my life. I'm proud of myself in every other aspect... Tell me I'm stupid, and I'll laugh at you because I KNOW I'm intelligent... Tell me I'm mean, and I'll disregard you because I KNOW I'm a good person who cares deeply about others... Tell me I'm not hardworking and I'll recap my life accomplishments for you because I KNOW that I've worked harder than anyone I know to get where I am... But, tell me I'm fat, tell me I'm unattractive, and I'll cry... because I know you'd be telling the truth.

About 9 months ago, I met Matt, the man of my dreams... He not only changed my outlook on men, but my outlook on life and what I want my future to be. He loves me and supports me in everything I do. And it breaks my heart that he has to introduce me, the blob, to his friends and family as his girlfriend. I know he loves me regardless, but he deserves better... he deserves to be able to walk into a room and be proud that I'm standing next to him, just like I am of him. And I am determined to give him that.

For me, for Matt, for our future, for my family... I need to change. And I will change. Starting Now.

Tonight I'm going to my first weight-watchers meeting. Tomorrow will be a brand new day, full of hope and goals and plans. I know the journey will be a rough one, but I am confident that I'll have the strength and determination to reach my goals and finally be jiggle-free!!!